Domestic Violence is a silent killer. It knows no boundaries, it affects all races, sexes, socio-economic backgrounds, and professions. Not more than three years ago, Mississippi ranked No. 5 nationally regarding domestic violence incidents. Today, in the year 2010, our state ranks No. 2. This is a tragic fact that the cases of domestic violence in our communities are growing in number. As a community, we must work together to assist men, women, and children who suffer from this terrible fate.
In many circumstances, we are raised to keep “family business” in the home. Growing up, I recalled my grandmother telling me directly, “don’t go outside of our home and tell anyone what goes on here…” I never experienced domestic violence in the home, but unfortunately, there are thousands of persons each year in Mississippi who suffer this fate. To all who may be reading this article that may be victims, please know that you are not alone; you can leave. Don’t stay!! Get out.
As an attorney who has been an advocate for domestic violence victims, I am very well aware of the perils that are faced. From dealing with financial woes, to battling for children in custody battles, I have seen the many aspects of domestic violence play out in our judicial system. Although having an attorney is great, its only one step in traveling the road to recovery. As this month recognizes domestic violence awareness, I decided to provide a road map-destination: ABUSE FREE LIVING.
As you read this information, please share with anyone you know who may be victims of domestic violence; it just might save their lives.
Domestic violence, according to Mississippi law, encompasses many things. Its not just physical violence. It can also be pshycological and emotional as well. It includes attempting or cause, or intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly causing bodily harm without a weapon. It also includes sexual assault, stalking, and even cyber-stalking.
The language in Mississippi is written in such a manner, that a person needs to actually face physical violence in order to be considered a “domestic violence victim.” An abuser only needs to place you in fear of your safety.
Domestic violence does not include all types of relationships. It only includes acts between spouses, former spouses, persons living as spouses, or who previously lived as spouses (though not married), persons who have children together and/or persons who are family related (by blood or marriage). It also includes persons who are in a “dating relationship”- (boyfriend and girlfriend). Within those persons previously listed, the law in Mississippi protects both heterosexual and homosexual persons equally. There is no distinction made with specific types of relationship.
If you have experienced threats, or bodily harm from someone listed above, then you can receive a restraining order. A restraining order is a legal document that orders your abuser to remain away from you. A restraining order can also provide you with temporary child custody, possession of a home (if married), and a temporary visitation schedule. The terms of each order are tailored for the specific facts and circumstances provided to the judge. A victim, without an attorney, may go to either a municipal, justice, or county court to request an emergency order without an attorney. An initial restraining order may last only ten (10) days, and can be extended up to (20) additional days.
In making a decision to leave an abusive situation, be very careful. The most dangerous instances in most domestically abusive relationships occur when the victim leaves. To assist you in making that journey to abuse-free living, please make the following stops:
Stop 1: Tell someone and have a plan of escape.
Only 40 percent of domestic violence cases are reported and prosecuted. This is usually because the victim feels ashamed or embarrassed about his or her circumstances. They also feel that no one will believe them. Why you ask? Over 60 percent of domestic violence victims never to go doctors for injuries sustained in attacks, or call the police. They suffer in silence, never telling their horrible secret. If you are victim of domestic violence, you may call the crisis line at (601) 366-0222, twenty-four (24) hours a day. You can also call the Mississippi Coalition Against Domestic Violence at (800) 898-3234 during 8 a.m.-5 p.m. and (800) 799-7233 after hours. Speak up and speak out. There is someone there to listen.
When deciding to leave an abusive relationship, study the schedule and habits of your abuser. Make a plan to leave when he or she is not around. Begin packing a bag for yourself and your children if you have children. You will also need to gather documents such as birth certificates, social security cards, prescriptions, bank information, income information, and/or any other documents that identify yourself, your abuser, and your children. When making this plan of escape, be sure to share your plan with a safe contact. A safe contact is a person that you would trust no matter what. You would trust this person with your life and your children’s lives. It is usually best to designate someone who is not related to the abuser. This will ensure the party’s neutrality on the matter.
Stop 2: Go to a safe place
Mississippi has numerous domestic violence shelters in the central Mississippi area. There are shelters in Jackson, Mendenhall, Meridian, Pearl, and Vicksburg, Miss. You can call (601) 366-0222 or (800) 799-7233 and be directed to the appropriate location. All shelter locations are private, and kept confidential at all times. No one will know where you are. Many are staffed with counselors and social workers to assist you on your road to recovery.
Stop 3: Let the healing begin
Getting to a safe physical location is just the beginning of a long journey. You must also heal yourself emotionally and spiritually. If you have children, you will also need to ensure that they are provided some counseling as well. All shelter locations can provide any victim and his/her family with an adequate support system of positive reinforcements that allow the victim to understand the specifics of his or her circumstances and how to move forward and live abuse free without becoming a victim to the perils of domestic violence in the future.
Stop 4: The People’s Court
Once you have made it to Stops 1 through 3, you have to continue on your journey. In order to ensure your safety once you have left a shelter or safe location, you need a restraining order. Mississippi has a legal line that provides legal advice free of charge to domestic violence survivors. The number is (877) 609-9911. This line offers assistance and guidance to those persons who need to know where to take their next step in the legal system.
DESTINATION: ABUSE FREE LIVING
Once you have made it through the storm, and you will, know that in the end the storm never lasts forever. Once you make it to your abuse free realm, it is yours and yours alone. Enjoy your inner and outer peace with family and loved ones. Take comfort in knowing that you were strong and persevered through the darkest of times, and now, you have arrived at your sunny day, abuse free.
Although this article was very short, I do hope that the information provided herein is helpful to someone. If you need assistance, please speak out. We are here to help.
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Brandi Brown is an attorney in private practice in Jackson, Miss. A Jackson State University and University of Mississippi Law School Graduate, she has worked more than 10 years as a lead attorney on behalf of domestic violence victims.
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