(Editor’s Note: This is a jovial message from a writer who wants all church-goers to analyze what they find to be most aggravating at church while attending church.)
1. People who over use the tambourine: Look! Everybody’s not meant to beat one. When you don’t do it right, it can truly be aggravating and a nuisance. Be still and sing like everybody else during the slow songs.
2. People who fake the Spirit: Just because your friend felt the spirit doesn’t mean you did too. If you start running around the church and you have to stop because you’re out of breath after going only half a lap around the pews, we know you haven’t been touched.
3. People who constantly holler something to the pastor all during the message: We don’t need you to comment after every sentence the preacher makes (giving a blow-by-blow commentary). We know the preacher is ‘preaching’ and we know the preacher is probably talking to you. Be quiet so you can hear what the preacher has to say to you.
4. People who constantly go to the bathroom: Nobody has to use the bathroom four times during service and you’re clearly not on a date. If you have an incontinence problem, you should get in the prayer line and ask for healing.
5. People who can’t or won’t control their kids: How in the world can we concentrate on hearing the Word, if your little one is running up and down the aisle and going back and forth to the bathroom. The Bible says, if you “spare the rod, you’ll spoil the child,” You need to spank him.
6. People who take ‘Come As You Are’ to a whole new level: I can understand if you are going through something. But if you are wearing a fresh pair of Jordan’s, then you can certainly invest in some dress clothes and take your earrings and nose rings out. Since when is it OK for men to wear hats in the church and wear their pants to their ankles?
7. People who bring food to church: If you brought your baby a little snack, but you’re eating all his cookies and crackers … dropping crumbs everywhere then that’s a problem. Take those Cheez-its, Oreos and your little child outside. This is God’s house, not yours!
8. People who come to special church functions and criticize: If you’re standing in a corner gossiping about how you could’ve done a better job at something and you haven’t volunteered to help with anything and haven’t showed up to any invitations to join a ministry, I’m going to have to ask you to “Be Quiet.”
9. People who obviously show they don’t like you: If you don’t care for a person too much for whatever reason, at least put up a decent front and “act” like you have some Christian love! When you come to church, you should look past people’s shortcomings.
10. Finally, parents who dress better than their kids: If you come in looking like an Ebony Fashion Fair model and little darling is dragging behind you looking like a poster child for ‘Feed the Children,’ you are just dead wrong.” Wipe your child’s nose, comb your child’s hair and provide them with something decent to wear. Don’t come out of the house looking like a million bucks while your child is looking ‘homeless.’
Let the Church say, ‘AMEN.’
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